Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize