Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We don't watch enough power rangers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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