moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
