there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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