How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it hurts more in the daytime
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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