At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
