Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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