it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I look better un-naked...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
