Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
