I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
