Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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