Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
