areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
