This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
