What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
