if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
