We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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