So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
