I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
