"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's never too late to be topless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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