My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
bring money and cleavage
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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