It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
