I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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