We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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