I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
