Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
