he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
