It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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