Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
