I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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