You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
