then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
