Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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