I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
