Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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