it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
