Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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