Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
