did you get engaged???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
