Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
