The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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