Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
