I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
