she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's intense
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
