my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
