You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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