I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
