yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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