Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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