4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
