thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize