this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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