OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Enjoy the penises
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
