he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
