So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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