I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Two words: blizzard sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
