Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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