covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
