You just made me feel so damn special
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
