I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize