Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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