Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
