And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
