By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
