I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
