i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
