lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
