I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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