It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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