she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
