fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
