so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
