pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont even know how to be here
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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