i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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