If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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