That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
