just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
40s are totally the cure
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
