everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
