youre lurking in front of me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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