I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
