do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
