I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
