Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
tell me about the fingering
Randomize