goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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