I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
