I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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