my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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