Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude. I can hear the air.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize