The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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