There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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