drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
