He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
