party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
