2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
