He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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