quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
