You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Randomize
