Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
