so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize