Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
